I basically said on the last post how I wanted this experience to change me or mold me by saying that I was hoping to see life in a different perspective more than I already see it. What I mean by this is that I would like to stop being so negative or pessimistic about my own life. I would like to have more confidence in who I am and what I can do and help others in their struggles. And this is an opportunity to prove myself that I'm capable of many things, that it will come if I work hard and get determined to let the change have its process.
I hope that I will start being more social. I don't consider myself anti-social. I like meeting people and everything but it's easy to notice when I don't trust someone because I put this wall between the person and me without even letting some good amount of time pass to get to know each other better. I don't mean to do that. I don't think I was even conscious that I did that until I started writing in this blog. But I see that what has been causing me to act like that is that I am too afraid of putting trust in someone and get hurt later on. I guess I had been so disappointed of people already that that's what I mostly expect any time I'm meeting someone new. But I'm willing to let that behind. In fact, since a couple of months until now it's been better. And I will sure be more open.
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Rebecca,
why do you think you're negative about your life? Are you unhappy with aspects of it? How do you view God and his role in all of the things that you've experienced in your life? How do you feel about him?
-Jeff
Hmm...I used to be really really negative before but it's not so bad now. I do still feel unhappy about some aspects of my life. I let things that were from a really long time ago affect sometimes in the present and I mostly think that I don't forgive myself for my mistakes and feel so ashamed of them even though I know that God washes us clean.
And when I get to feel like that my mind kind of closes to any positive side I could possibly see of it. I see it afterwards though.
I am conscious of many things that God has done in my life through the things I've experienced. It had been hard but they were the consequences of my mistakes and they had turned me into a better person now. I certaintly don't want to ever go back to the same.
God had been present in everything. Just that I was so drawned into myself and so prideful to not look for help that I got blind to not see it or appreciate it.
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